Superheroes and Liars. The Truth About Working from Home with Young Kids

Are you new to working from home and looking for ideas on how to manage your day?  Are your kids home at the same time – just to throw a wrench into your already new and challenging reality?

Are you a superhero parent? …or just ready to give up?

This temporary reality is a whole new challenge for a lot of people, with a virus among us and being forced to work from our homes.  Distractions are everywhere and having children running wild around your home office is certainly not ideal.   I’ve been working from home for years, both with and without kids.  There are still days when I still feel like an absolute failure, both on the work side, and the family side of things.

‘Social’pathic Liars

Yep, I just made up a word.  Please, please, please… when you’re having a bad day, ignore your friends posting photos on Facebook and Instagram about how much fun they’re having working from home with their kid all day.   They’re not having as much fun as you think, trust me.  Those kids are likely sitting still for a photo op because they’ve been bribed with some sort of chocolate mystery surprise or maybe even some extra screen time.

The typical home office with Kids doesn’t generally include a pristine desk with neatly organized papers and a child sitting with perfect posture next to you.  A more realistic framing of the situation I’d argue, is your child climbing across the table as you try to save your laptop from a plastic cup of milk leaking into the keyboard.   I mean seriously… you expect everything is just peaceful for 6 hours while you bust out a TPS report and junior does his home learning projects quietly beside you?  No.

Superheroes

People who are actually able to function at a normal capacity when working from home with young kids, could should be classified as superheroes.  And not the crappy ones, I mean hall of fame level.  Think Wolverine or Batman.   This is also assuming you’re actually paying attention to your child and not just giving them an iPad or plopping them in front of YouTube to watch Blippi or Ryan Toys Review all day.

Let’s face it, no matter how much energy and patience you have when dealing with kids, trying to do any sort of real work requires a certain amount of mental focus and concentration.  At times your best efforts are basically futile.  Imagine if trying to organize thoughts in your head was like trying to sort baseball cards with a leaf blower aimed at you.  That pretty much sums it up. You might as well pack up and go home, that big pile of work in front of you is just not getting done.  The sooner you accept that the closer will be to feeling some sense of accomplishment on a personal level when working from home.

Expectations vs. Reality

Leading up to having kids and even before that, I was used to working at home and had the attitude that complaining parents were mostly just being lazy.  Being a penny saver I had big plans and had done lots of research on how I would manage my workday while entertaining an infant, a toddler…  whatever.   I was convinced I could handle it.

And what better way to save $15,000 a year in daycare fees right?  I’m sure most have racked their brains to come up with some clever way to avoid those painful daycare fees, particularly those with more than one preschooler or younger.   I look at my bank statements and think of daycare payments as having two mortgages and only one house – who doesn’t want that, right?

Anyway, I found a few websites and forum posts where people had gone on and on about how they watched their kids, while at the same time they did their job and were saving a TON of money.  Unfortunately, my experience has led me to conclude these people are either liars or don’t have real jobs.  If they do, they aren’t very demanding.  I make a legitimate wage at home and to try and do it with a child became nearly impossible, to the point I had to turn down work.

When your kids are young, you can set them up with some toys, put on some learning channels on the TV and strap them in a bouncer or play table – but this only goes so far.  I had read all the tricks, but the reality is that kids get bored extremely quickly.  They get hungry, they get tired, they soil themselves.

The constant distractions that pull you away from any tasks requiring focus can be an absolute killer.  Trying to regroup your thoughts mid-email is not always as easy as it may seem.

So, while you might have plans to save a ton on child care, the reality is you will likely be relegated to either a part-time worker or making up some of your workday in the evening or on the weekends.  My advice would be that if you can, put your child in daycare or any sort of care that is good quality and affordable when they are around a year old.  The older and more mobile your child becomes, the more difficult they will become to watch and the more attention they will require.  The other big factor is they’ll benefit from the social interactions and learning daycare provides for them that you can’t put primary focus on at home.

No School. No Daycare.

Here’s a new and unexpected scenario.  Quarantines and physical distancing are in effect.   School and daycare are not an option anymore – so now what?  I’m sure like me, many are finding themselves in this very situation with young kids who can’t be left to their own devices to do their work or play peacefully.

The reality is that you are going to get less done, it’s just a fact.  You are going to be distracted, you are likely going to get annoyed.  It’s okay.  Just remember that your friends are only sharing the good moments on social media, not when they came back to their laptop to find kinetic sand in the keyboard or a banana rappelling down the screen.   Yes, both of these things happened.  And yes, my kids know better.  Not frustrating at all.  These are just small examples of some of the time sinks you’ll encounter along with the work from home journey.

Kids will also want your attention when they notice you’re ignoring them for work and they will beg for it.  Your spouse will likely provide another form of distraction, whether intentional or not.   Small annoyances like asking where the scissors went, or if you can just come help take the garbage out while you’re in the middle of your conference call.   “It would be really helpful”.   The point is that you need realistic expectations and have to manage your time and emotions accordingly.  You have to accept that you won’t be as productive as you normally are.

Strategies for Success

These are some general ideas and guidelines you might want to try setting up, to make working from home go a little more smoothly.  It will provide some clarity on expectations to both your spouse and your kids or anyone else possibly living with you.  Keep in mind these suggestions are more geared towards those who don’t have any help in the way of live-in grandparents, nannies or other childcare options.  It’s just the two (or one) of you!

Set Expectations with the Kids

Your kids will need to understand that while you’re at home every day, you still need to “go to work”.  Explain to them why this is important and that you would like to spend time with them, but it will be at certain times of the day and you’ll need “work time”, which means you are not interrupted, and set ground rules.

You may have certain hours you are not available to help with things, or you might have a home office that you can close the door to if you are in a meeting and not to be disturbed.  Explain to everyone that when that door is closed, it is like you are at the office downtown and on the phone.  You are essentially not accessible during that time unless it is an absolute emergency (eg. your kitchen is on fire or someone needs to go to the hospital).

I only point this out because many work-from-home folks will attest to some of the “emergencies” that arise such as, “Hey, Dad.  We’re out of crackers.  I need you to help me look for more.”  or “Please help me put the kid’s coats on!” (Might get in trouble for that one).   The point is, there will be times when you need your attention focused on the task at hand without interruptions, so communicate this clearly with your family so you have their understanding and so they aren’t surprised when you remind them.

Setup Safe Areas & Independent Activities

It’s helpful to both you and your kids if they have specific play areas set up that are both safe and within reasonable listening distance.  You won’t want to be worrying about what your kids are up to or getting into while trying to focus on work tasks.  We have a dedicated playroom, also the family room and kitchen for crafts.  The kids cannot just disappear to the basement. upstairs or anywhere they’re likely to get in trouble or is unsafe.

It also helps to create an atmosphere similar to what your kids experience at school.  Give them a little desk and a chair to do their work.  Believe it or not, younger ones will prefer this to the kitchen table at times just for the fact they can pretend they’re at school.  Yes, your young ones probably actually miss going to school!   We have a setup like this along with a craft table and chalkboard.

Kids will entertain themselves with chalk in many ways and the chalkboard it helps them with their writing skills, shapes etc.  If you can plan ahead and schedule things a little bit, you can set your kids up with independent activities to keep them busy while you work.  There are a ton of websites with free printables and worksheets for kids.  You can choose whatever topics your children are interested in or subjects they may need some more work studying.

Don’t try to Stick to a Rigid Schedule

Unfortunately working from home and pretending your kids are at school all day just isn’t going to work.  Believe me, and I’m sure parents know this.  Try to set up a loose schedule for each day that covers a few topics like reading, math, physical activity and it doesn’t necessarily have to be in a specific order or time frame.  You want your kids to be engaged in what they’re doing, not to fight you throughout the entire process.

Try engaging them more and handing some control over, explaining what you’d like them to accomplish for the day and allowing them to choose the order they would like to do things.  Mix up the activities they may not like so much, with the fun activities they enjoy, using them as rewards for completing the less desirable tasks.  For example, we’ll set up a points system for reading or writing.  If you finish your worksheets or read so many pages, then we go outside for “recess/gym class”.

Get them Outside

Another way to get kids more engaged (and to tire them out) is to make sure to get them outside a few times a day, rather than just doing indoor schoolwork.  Take your learning outside, there are a ton of games, activities and lesson plans you can incorporate into outside play.   Don’t forget to take breaks from the “work” as well, this can be as simple as a time for free play, which is what a lot of young kids do at school anyway.  It can be as easy as bringing your kid’s building blocks out on the driveway and do those activities outside in the fresh air.

Give Your Kids Jobs to do

It doesn’t have to be all schoolwork either.  Set your kids up with some tasks to do on their own, give them a sense of responsibility for things around the house to keep them busy while your work.  Learning life skills is just as important if not more so than studying books, they’ll feel a sense of accomplishment to knowing that they have a specific job that’s theirs alone.  This can be anything too, from basic cleaning chores/sorting games with laundry, or helping with cooking meals or baking. (kids love to help cook!)  This type of activity is great because they learn about foods, you can teach them about measurements, temperature, how to tell time and it’s just plain fun!

Send a Messages to a Friend

Interacting with friends and classmates they can’t see during social distancing is important as well.  It helps your children maintain ties with their close friends and lets them catch up or trade ideas – parents too!   We try to pick a few friends each week and send a short recorded video message back and forth.  This can be an easy way to do things both for your schedule and whoever you are sending the message to.  You avoid having to setup a specific time for a video call and worry about fitting it into your schedule.  It’s also exciting for kids to send messages and wait to receive them back, as they never know when it’s coming!   When it does arrive they usually come running.

Set Realistic Goals for the Week

Try to set achievable goals for the week.  Your days aren’t always going to go as planned due to things like the weather, work commitments… bad behaviour!   So come up with a plan that’s realistic in that your kids do get some school work done, but it doesn’t have to be during set times or cover set subjects.  Just have a basic outline of some things you’d like to get accomplished and some overall goals or areas you’d like them to improve their skills in.  At the end of the day, you also need to accept it may not go to plan.   You aren’t teaching full time, you’re trying to do a job while educating your kids and can’t dedicate 100% of your time to both – so just do your best.

Screen Time is Okay

Some people try to avoid giving their kids screen time at all costs.  I can understand that, we’ve definitely had days where behaviour has gone off the rails thanks to tablets – particularly with the more addictive time-waster type games.  In reality though, there are occasions when you just need to get some work done and a tablet becomes a viable option to keep your kids entertained for an hour or two.

There are actually a lot of really good kids games out there if you search for them and check reviews.  Games that are both engaging and educational.    Some of our favourites are titles such as “Teach your Monster to Read” (Android | Iphone) and “Kiddopia – ABC Toddler Games” (Android | Iphone).   (Note these are our favourites, the kids would rather play Hot Wheels or Candy Crush)  Whatever your kids happen to like, this can be a much better option as opposed to some of the brain drain activities.

Another strategy we like to employ to allow work to actually get done is to use screen time as a reward and allow the kids to play tablets if they are quiet in their rooms.  After lunch, we’ll have “Quiet Time” which is usually an hour or two in their room for free play or screen time.  This is great for getting any thought intensive work done or if you have meetings where you can’t have interruptions happening.  Basically, a good block of time to get some real work done.

Go for a Drive

Sometimes you just need to get out of the house for your own sanity.  Everyone has been cooped up so long with COVID-19, seeing some different sights might help give your mind a break.  I wouldn’t say to stray too far from home, but going for a quick 20 minute drive through the country on a nice day on some back roads could do wonders for your mental health at a time like this, and give kids some stimulation.

An even better idea if you have kids under 6 years old, is to plan a drive after lunchtime.  We are usually lucky enough to get at least one of them to crash in the car after lunchtime.  This gives kids (and parents) a break they need and usually results in better behaviour afterwards.  You may not get work done in the car, but you’ll likely get more done afterwards as you avoid the late day overtired tantrums and meltdowns I’m sure parents are all too familiar with.

Conclusions

Nobody said it was going to be easy.   Working from home isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.   While some are enjoying it, others (especially those with young kids) while not missing the commute, are probably appreciating their office space these days.  The bottom line is… Relax.   Focus on Important things in your life, do your work at home to the best of your ability and realize that things are not going to be business as usual, and hope your employer can appreciate that.

Don’t fret over not spending 100% of your time at home with your kids either.  Look at all the time you do spend with them during the day as a bonus  – because normally you would be away physically at work.   Enjoy the experience and the additional time with your family.

While this is a harrowing time in history, it’s not the worst thing that could happen. And I also have a feeling that putting aside the fear factor around our health and well-being, a lot of people will look back on this time in their lives and appreciate the added time they had to spend with neighbours (from a distance) and with their families at home.  Stay safe and don’t sweat the small stuff.

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